


The Climb

by Ischa



Series: Fall [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, Gen, M/M, Trauma, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 01:50:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dick wants everything. </p><p>  <i>Tim looked at him then. “I looked up to him. I idolized him. I knew he was only a boy in a suit, but he had been my hero and then he had died. And...when I got the cape. Bruce made him-” </i><br/><i>“The perfect symbol for the good fight, the perfect boy-soldier.” </i><br/><i>Tim nodded, sharply. “I never thought about the terror he must have felt,” he admitted. “Not in any way that felt real. He had been the fallen one, but what it meant, god, Dick, what it meant, I didn't understand.”</i><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Climb

**Author's Note:**

> Last part of the Fall series. Will probably not make much sense without the other two parts.  
> Thanks a lot to Icalynn for the beta.
> 
> Russian translation: https://ficbook.net/readfic/4775083

**~One~**

Dick was fucked and he knew it. He could feel it in his bones. In the faint tingling on his lips. He could feel someone's gaze on him. Tim, he thought. Tim was looking at him.

Dick groaned. “Fuck-”

“And you weren't even awake for it,” Tim said. His voice sounded – flat. He was hiding something. Preparing Dick for something. Dick opened his eyes.

“I can handle it,” Dick said, looking Tim over. He looked like...Dick had no idea. Like he had been in a fight, or no. Not a fight. Someone had gotten him good. “Tim-”

“The cuts aren't really that bad. Shallow and the knife was sharp. Nearly didn't feel a thing,” Tim interrupted.  
“The cracked ribs are a parting gift from the Joker-”

“What did he do?”

“The Joker or Jason?” Tim asked.

Dick didn't want to know. He was dreading the answer already. Jason had said that he needed Dick to stay out of his hair. For tonight. He had kidnapped Tim and- and what? “Tell me.”

“Jason killed him. I was there. He told me not to look-”

“Did you listen to him?” Dick asked.

“I didn't. He – I don't think he was aware I was watching. He just. He bashed the Joker's skull in with a crowbar-”

“Is he really dead?” Dick asked. He needed to know. They had thought that before and he had come back every time.

“Jason fired a round of bullets into the Joker's head and heart for good measure, Dick. Yes, he is dead. I called Commissioner Gordon and told him he was dead. The news will break soon.” Tim looked at him. “I went to the morgue and looked at his corpse.” The way Tim said it, it sounded like a dirty secret, Dick thought.

“Tim.”

“I am glad he's dead. I am not happy it was Jason who did it, but really who else?”

“He had no right to take this in his own hands,” Dick said softly but his hands were balled to fits. He made himself relax.

“Who else had the right? Dick. I mean the Joker killed him and he came back, was sent back. Maybe someone, something, that was wiser than us sent Jason back to do just what he did tonight.”

“And hurting you-”

“I never said that they gave him a fucking map, Dick. I just-” he cut himself off and stared at a point above Dick's head. Dick knew what he wanted to say anyway. Tim wanted to believe in something bigger than himself and he wanted to be part of the solution. And maybe Jason coming back from the dead was a sign. Or maybe it was a cosmic mistake. But Dick could never see it that way. He was glad, fiercely so, that Jason was alive.

“Come here,” Dick said and reached out to grab Tim's wrist. It was really delicate and the skin was soft. He pulled Tim in, but then Tim wasn't resisting at all. He curled up in Dick's arms and closed his eyes. 

“Bruce will be fucking pissed once he's back,” Tim whispered.

“He will probably rip us a new one. I mean he is used to it from me, but you were always the good Robin, Tim.”

“Well...not anymore. This is my teenage rebellion,” Tim said.

“At least I think that is healthy,” Dick replied and kissed Tim's forehead.

“Sleep now,” Tim said.

Dick closed his eyes and matched his breathing with Tim's.

~+~  
Alfred woke them gently and with good coffee. Tim stirred slowly and then buried his face in the pillow again. He looked adorable. The fond way Alfred gazed at him told Dick that he wasn’t the only one thinking it.

“I know you two are thinking something sappy,” Tim mumbled. 

Dick laughed. It felt good and honest.

“I’ve prepared breakfast Master Timothy, Master Dick. And Master Bruce called. He will be back home in two days.”

“Well, isn’t that great,” Dick sighed.

“Indeed?” Alfred asked.

“I think we need to tell him,” Tim said, turning on his back and looking up at the ceiling. His arm was brushing Dick’s. He felt sleep warm. Dick wanted to curl up with him again, shut the blinds and never get up. But that would lead to them starving. As Tim liked to point out, every time Dick mentioned something like that.

“Tell me what, Master Timothy?” Alfred asked.

“Maybe you should sit down.”

“I am fine,” Alfred said.

Tim closed his eyes for a second. Dick knew it was to steel himself. He had to be the big brother Tim needed and deserved now.

“Jason is alive,” Dick said and because there was no way to soften the blow, “And he killed the Joker last night.”

The fine china clattered as Alfred grabbed the table hard. “Master Jason is alive?”

“Yes.”

“No mistake?”

“No mistake. We took his blood. I talked to him, we talked to him,” Dick said.

Tim sat up and slung his arms around his knees. “He doesn’t know how he came back. He…is older and different-”

“And he killed the Joker?” Alfred cut in.

“Yes. I was there,” Tim confirmed. “I saw it happen. I saw his corpse too. I know…he is dead.”

“Good,” Alfred said. It was only a whisper, but it was fierce. Tim’s eyes snapped to Alfred’s face. “I am not happy that Master Jason did it, but I am glad that he is in fact dead and can never harm anyone ever again.”

“Alfred-”

“Our family has suffered enough by this madman’s hands,” Alfred cut in.

Tim nodded. “Yes.”

“We have to tell Bruce. He won’t like it. We lied to him about Jason. We lied about Jason,” Dick said.

“Why did you lie about him, Master Dick?”

“He wasn’t in his right mind when Tim found him. And then he just disappeared without a trace. We tried to find him. We did, and then Bruce never approved of me and Jason. Of our relationship…I just couldn’t. We always fought about it,” Dick sighed.

“We wanted to help him,” Tim said quietly.

“I am sure you had the best intentions, Master Timothy.”

“It backfired on us. He is back alright, but he is different. He isn’t Robin-”

“Of course he isn’t Robin,” Alfred cut in. “Master Timothy is Robin now.”

Tim smiled at him. “I don’t think I could give it up. But then Jason doesn’t want it back. The Robin suit, I mean. He is someone else now.”

“Someone who kills and tortures,” Dick said gently.

“The Joker deserved it,” Tim replied.

Dick grabbed his jaw and made Tim look at him. “You didn’t.”

“I was just a pawn in his game. Dick. He is still in love with you. So I guess hurting me was also a bit of pleasure, not only business.”

Dick leaned in and kissed his forehead. “This is fucked up,” he said.

“Indeed,” Alfred threw in. “And it will get worse once Master Bruce finds out about the Joker’s death.”

“Yeah…” Dick said.

“We should maybe have breakfast and make a plan.”

“A plan Alfred? For what?”

“How to deal with this situation the best way we can. How to make sure Master Bruce doesn’t-”

“Lose it?” Dick supplied.

Alfred smiled tightly. “Exactly.”

~+~  
“You think he will stay in Gotham this time?” Tim asked after breakfast.

Dick was laying on the thick carpet in the library. “I hope he does, but he probably won’t, because he drugged me and used you and he knows I’m pissed as hell at him now.”

“How did he drug you anyway? I mean, you watch your drinks. At all times.”

“It’s Jason. Tim and he used a chapstick. Something similar to the stuff Ivy uses. I- fuck. He drugged me while we were kissing,” he closed his eyes and made himself relax. He was so angry at Jason. How could he do this to Dick?

“It was smart,” Tim said.

“Yeah…he doesn’t like to show it, but he’s no fool,” Dick replied. “Bruce wouldn’t have trained him if he were a fool.”

“No, I suspect he wouldn’t have,” Tim admitted. “His plan went off without a hitch and I’m sure he had waited for Bruce to be out of the city to do it.”

“Yes, because Bruce would’ve been able to stop him.”

“We would’ve been able to stop him too, Dick….I am not sure we didn’t just let him do what needed to be done.”

“Tim.”

“I told you. I am glad he is dead.”

The thing was, Dick was too. Sometimes he wondered why no one had put a bullet into the Joker’s brain before. There were enough dirty cops still in Gotham. Enough victims, enough people with a grudge.

“I am too,” Dick said after an eternity of silence. He could hear and feel Tim get up from the armchair. Could feel him crouch down. Tim brushed his hair away from his forehead and then leaned down and kissed Dick. It was just a soft, dry press of lips against lips. But Dick wanted it to be more. He reached out, slowly so Tim would have enough time to pull away if he wanted to.

Tim didn’t want to. He let Dick curl his fingers around his neck and kiss him for real. It wasn’t at all like kissing Jason, who always kissed back hard and sometimes even bit – more or less playfully. Tim wasn’t inexperienced, but he kissed Dick like he would kiss a girl: soft and tender. With no aggression at all.  
Controlled.  
It wasn’t bad. In fact, Dick liked it. It was different. It couldn’t be any farther from the way Jason kissed and that was probably the point Tim was driving home for Dick.  
Dick sighed when Tim pulled away. He was still looking at Dick. His hand lingering on Dick’s shoulder.

“Dick,” Tim said and then bit his lip. It was the only nervous habit he had left and it only showed around Dick. He never once caught Tim biting his lip with Bruce, with Batman, present. “You kissed Jason back.”

“Yes,” Dick said and felt a bit like scum, because he had also let Jason fuck him in a shady nightclub where people could watch. He hadn’t been thinking. But Jason had felt so fucking good.

“And just now you kissed me back too.”

“Yes.”

“Dick-”

“I love you both. I have never stopped loving Jason, Tim.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Dick said.

“Okay,” Tim replied and stood up. “We should get our stories straight before Bruce comes back.”

“Yeah,” Dick said and hated that he had to tell Tim about the time at the club.  
But then it was entirely possible that Tim already knew about it.

 

**~Two~**

To say Dick was dreading the talk with Bruce would be the understatement of the century. Bruce left Tim and Dick here to protect the city. Batman trusted them with Gotham and they...they fucked it up in a way. Not that Dick thought that they fucked it up. They had done what they could. Jason had been one of them. Jason had always been family – would, at least to Dick, always be family. They took care of their own. And Jason had been Robin. He was a bird as much as Tim and Dick.

“It will be alright,” Tim said and squeezed his hand briefly, but firmly.

Dick sighed and nodded.  
He wasn't so sure, but then Tim has always had more faith in Bruce than anyone else. It was pretty much the freaking Robin job-description.

~+~  
“I just met up with Commissioner Gordon,” Bruce said. Dick didn't stiffen, because Bruce was pretty much the only person who could sneak up on him, but he had gotten used to it over the years.

When Dick turned around Bruce was pushing back the cowl. Dick was glad for it. “Hello, to you too.”

“Dick. The Joker is dead. He had been beaten to death, with what the police think was a crowbar-”

“It was Jason,” Dick said. “I’m glad he is dead. And I am not crazy. It was Jason, Bruce.”

“What do you mean it was Jason, Dick?” Bruce asked. He had that look in his eyes, where he was running a million possible drugs and other stuff in his head that could make Dick lose it.

“What I said. It was Jason. He is not dead.” Dick answered and then added: “Anymore.” 

“Dick-”

“Tim has seen him too. He had been here. He...the last time you were off planet, Tim found him.” Bruce didn't grab the desk. But Dick knew he wanted to do it. “He wasn't in his right mind. He – we tried to help him. He is still ours.”

“Yours,” Bruce said and it was the Batman voice.

“Don't give me that bullshit!” Dick replied sharply. “This isn't about how you didn't approve of our relationship. This is about Jason being alive again.”

“And you kept it from me.”

“You were off planet!”

“And when I came back? Because most of the time I am in Gotham, Dick,” Bruce said.

“He was gone by then,” Dick replied. He knew it was all going downhill now. But then lying to Bruce has never ended well before, why did he think it would turn out differently this time? He had been delusional. Too caught up in the fact that Jason was alive. “We tried to find him. Tim and I, but he just disappeared and-”

“And you thought it wouldn’t be worth my while?” Bruce said. His voice was controlled but he took a step back from where Dick was sitting in the chair. It wasn’t a good sign when Batman had to remove himself from your proximity. “I needed to know this, Dick! Not only because he is…whatever he is, but because I grieved for him! He was my son,” Bruce said.

“And you never loved him more than when he was dead!” Dick hissed.

“Dick,” Tim said gently from the shadows.

Dick wasn’t even really surprised that Tim was able to stay hidden like this. Bruce glanced at Tim briefly. There was disappointment in his eyes for a moment. Like he had thought Tm would do better than that. They both knew better than lying to Bruce, but somehow… “It seemed like a Robin affair,” Dick said.

“Jason comes back from the dead, and then he kills the Joker, and you think this is a Robin affair?” Bruce asked.

“I didn’t know he would kill the Joker. No one could know that,” Dick replied.

“I’m glad he is dead,” Alfred said from the stairs. He was holding a tray with tea. Good thinking, Dick thought.

“Alfred.” Bruce said.

“I am, Master Bruce, and I know a lot of other people are too. Miss Barbara for one. Master Timothy for another.”

Bruce gave Tim a look. Tim didn’t back down. “I am glad he is dead. I am glad you didn’t have to do it.”

“So everyone is happy that Jason came back from the dead a killer then? Am I the only one who sees that something is wrong with that picture? We don’t kill.”

“And yet, we let people die,” Tim said reasonably. “We team up with people who kill-”

“Robin.”

“I am Tim now,” Tim said. He stepped out of the shadows fully. He wasn’t wearing the domino. “Arrow kills people as does Huntress. To point out a few. You consider them allies. Why not Jason?”

“He killed the Joker for revenge-” Bruce stopped and looked at Tim. “What happened to you?”

“I’m Robin, Bruce. This is what happens to Robins in Gotham. This and worse,” Tim said.

Dick was amazed how easily Tim took the whole conversation, that whole confrontation out of his hands. It was the Tim and Bruce show now and Dick was just a bystander.

“That was no ordinary thug, Tim. Someone who knew what they were doing, did this. The cuts are shallow, but made to look worse. Bled a lot.”

“Jason needed bait and a distraction,” Tim cut in.

“You helped him?”

“I was in no position to refuse,” Tim said. Ever the diplomat, Dick thought.

“He kidnapped you?” Bruce asked. His voice had lost the flat, controlled tone a bit ago.

“He…no. I went willingly.”

“Tim.”

“He had Miles. He took Miles to get to me. Miles is my only friend outside of…this. I couldn’t be sure Jason wouldn’t hurt him. Jason hadn’t been too stable the last time I saw him.” Tim looked Bruce in the eyes. “It’s done Bruce. Nothing we can change now. The Joker is dead and Jason is alive. I think we can say we win this time.”

Fuck, Dick thought, but that boy was scary. 

“He is a cold-blooded killer. In my city. I need to deal with him.”

“You want to stop him? How?” Dick cut in.

“I don’t know yet, but I can’t tolerate this kind of vigilantism in Gotham,” Bruce replied.

“You want to send him to Blackgate?” Dick asked sharply.

“That’s where murderers are sent, Dick.”

“He is one of us. He is family!”

“We can’t make exceptions-”

“Oh, bullshit, Master Bruce. We always make exceptions. Especially for family. We can’t take Master Jason down like a criminal. He is…he has been send back.”

Dick smiled at Alfred. “He is family and I will fight for him,” Dick said.

“Fight for him?” Bruce asked.

“Yes. And if I have to, I will fight you on this. You don’t want that kind of vigilantism in your city? Fine. I will take him. He can live in Blüdhaven,” Dick said. His voice was steely, it surprised even him.

“He has to answer for his crimes, Dick,” Bruce said.

“I never answered for mine,” Dick replied.

“Dick,” Tim said, sharply.

“He wasn’t even sixteen when I started to have sex with Jason,” Dick said, ignoring Tim. “You never called the police. You never branded me a child-molester.”

“Dick, it’s not the same. You loved Jason.”

“I still love Jason,” Dick replied. “And it’s not like Jason took a gun to some random dude’s head. He killed the man who had killed him. It’s justice, Bruce,” Dick said.

“He came back from the dead. He came back for a reason,” Tim cut in. Dick knew Tim believed that. “Maybe finishing the Joker, because no one else could or would, was the reason he came back. Maybe the universe, some kind of god, set things right again. The balance is the same, Bruce. A life for a life.”  
It made a lot of sense to Dick when Tim explained it that way.

“He is dangerous,” Bruce said.

“We all are.”

“We don’t kill,” Bruce said sharply.

“He is family,” Alfred cut in. It was his no nonsense voice. “Master Jason is family, Master Bruce. Dead or alive, a murderer, a hero or a victim. He is family. And we don’t abandon family.” He looked at all of them sternly. “Dinner will be served in an hour. No one is leaving and if someone knows where Master Jason is, I expect that someone will call him.” And with a nod he left the cave.

Dick suppressed a smile.

He didn’t know what Bruce was suppressing, but it was definitely something. “I want to see him.”

“I don’t think he’ll come here, Bruce,” Tim said. “I think you’ll have to meet him on neutral ground.”

“Let’s go up and eat something,” Dick replied. He was hungry.

“Tim. I’d like a word with Dick alone,” Bruce said.

“Okay,” Tim replied and went upstairs.

~+~  
Bruce didn’t watch Tim leave. Dick did and he was very aware that Bruce was watching him. There was really nothing to say about this. Bruce knew.

“He is in love with you,” Bruce said.

“I know,” Dick replied. “I’ve known for some time.”

“And you are intimate with him.” It was only half a question. Of course Tim’s body language had changed around Dick. But Dick suspected that it was him, who gave that away.

“We’re on our way there,” Dick admitted.

“Dick.”

“You think I didn’t learn from what went wrong between me and Jason. But I did. I listened too much to you, in fact. I should have listened to myself and Jason. He wanted me. I wanted him. I love him.”

“And you’re still starting something with Tim-”

“Tim knows how I feel about Jason,” Dick replied.

“Of course he does, Dick. That doesn’t mean he can-”

“Deal?” Dick cut in sharply. “I think he can. I know that I, as the oldest, should know better, but the truth is the heart wants what the heart wants, and our hearts want the same thing. Maybe if you had let your heart decide more often-”

“Dick,” Bruce cut in sharply.

Dick took a breath. Maybe he should apologize for it, but he really didn’t feel like it. He loved Jason and he was falling for Tim. There was nothing wrong with that. The only thing that could be held against Dick was that Tim was still so young. But Tim was also a Robin. Different rules and standards applied to him. And then there was of course the fact that Tim was Tim. Tim didn’t need anyone to fight for him. He could defend or not defend his own virtue alright.

“I’m not going to back down on this, Bruce. Not this time. It’s a miracle if you see it or not. A second chance that most people don’t get.”

“From what I have heard from you and Robin, Jason is insane, Dick.”

“You didn’t talk to him. I think he is holding it together just fine. He isn’t the boy you knew anymore. He is nearly a man now. Sharp and deadly, but that makes him only more beautiful in my eyes.”

“Let’s go upstairs and have dinner and then we can try to find Jason and speak to him.”

Dick nodded. All in all, he thought, this went better than he had expected it to go.

 

**~Three~**

“I don't know!” Dick exploded, because they have been over this. And he was so done answering to Bruce. “He killed the Joker. And since that was what had held him here, he skipped town. He could be anywhere. There is nothing in Gotham to tie him down-”

“Dick, you mean a lot to him.” Bruce interrupted gently. Well, gently for Bruce. 

“That was ages ago. He used me, too,” Dick bit his lip. He was still mad at Jason. Jason had tricked him, had used Dick's love against him, it hurt as fuck. And now Jason was gone. No note, no shuriken, no nothing. Just vanished. Not even Tim could find him. That had to mean something. 

“He loves you,” Bruce said. “And because of that he will contact you-”

“You can't be sure about that. He never played by your rules. He’s never behaved like you wanted him too. Why should it be different this time?” 

Bruce nodded. “Yes, he’s always been rather wild.” 

No discipline, Bruce had said once about Jason. It wasn't true, Dick thought, you had to have a lot of discipline to carry out a plan like this. Jason had been away for months, learning only god knew what in order to be able to kill the Joker. To take revenge. It was rightfully Jason's to begin with, Dick thought. Maybe they forced it on Jason too, by not taking action themselves. The Joker's life wasn't worth more than Jason's. 

“He's gone Bruce,” Dick said. 

“If he contacts you-” 

“I won't tell you a fucking thing,” Dick cut in. 

“Language,” Bruce said, but it was the Bat-voice. 

Dick was done here, because Bruce was done being a human being for the night. He got up from the chair he had been slumped in and left the study. 

Bruce didn't try to stop him.

~+~  
“Leaving already?” Tim said. 

Dick turned and saw Tim sitting on the stairs in a spot where the shadows nearly swallowed him. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the railing. 

“Me and Bruce are done for tonight,” he replied. “Also, don't sneak up on me.” 

“I shouldn't be able to. You're troubled.” 

“That's not really news, Babybird,” Dick said. 

Tim suppressed a shiver and if Dick weren't Dick, and trained by Bruce, he wouldn't have seen it, but he was who he was and he had been watching Tim. He was a lot more aware of Tim lately. Tim was different since the Joker thing. Maybe because it had been the first time he had been attacked by someone who he thought of as one of his own. 

“Tim?” 

“He called me that too,” Tim said. “Jason,” he clarified, like he had to. Maybe he had to, for himself. “Before he made me bleed and he said-” he cut himself off, biting his lip as he looked away. 

“What did he say?” Dick asked. 

“Nothing. Forget it. I'm just messed up-”

“Understandable,” Dick interrupted. 

Tim looked at him then. “I looked up to him. I idolized him. I knew he was only a boy in a suit, but he had been my hero and then he had died. And...when I got the cape. Bruce made him-” 

“The perfect symbol for the good fight, the perfect boy-soldier.” 

Tim nodded, sharply. “I never thought about the terror he must have felt,” he admitted. “Not in any way that felt real. He had been the fallen one, but what it meant, god, Dick, what it meant, I didn't understand.” 

Do you now? Dick wanted to ask, but could anyone, really? He wanted to hug Tim, but wasn't sure his gesture of affection would be welcome. Tim kept his distance now. Except for the random kiss in the library, they hadn't had much body contact at all, Dick realized suddenly. Tim had always had a thing about the personal space bubble, but he had also always let Dick invade it, now Dick wasn't even tempted to try. Dick climbed the stairs and sat down beside Tim in the shadows. There was a wall dividing them – in the shape of Jason. 

~+~  
Dick knew he was being careless and stupid and all kinds of things that Bruce has always accused Jason of being. He couldn't help it.  
He had the feeling that his whole world was falling apart. And what should have been a blessing, what should have made it all worth it: Jason coming back from the dead, it had made it worse. 

Bruce was pissed at him and he was brooding like he had to make up for lost time and Tim. God, fuck, Dick thought, banging his head on the nearest wall. He had no idea how he could make right by Tim. He had fucked it up – somehow. Probably by letting Jason fuck him. 

And the worst thing was that Dick couldn't even be sure that Tim knew and not telling him was like lying and you didn't lie to the person you wanted to be with, especially when the person was as smart as Tim was. 

There was a commotion on the street below him and Dick welcomed the distraction of a good fight. 

~+~  
“You're a mess,” Robin said. Because it was Robin and not Tim. Tim had a Robin voice. It was devoid of all emotions. 

Dick wasn't in the mood for a lecture. He wasn't fine, obviously, so he wouldn't even try to bullshit Robin.  
Dick shrugged. Or rather Nightwing shrugged, because two could play that game.  
Tim's eyes probably narrowed behind the lenses, Dick couldn't be sure. Sometimes he missed the times when they didn't have these goddamned lenses that made them all look soulless. 

“Not tonight,” Nightwing said. 

“Come again?” 

“And not like this,” Dick replied. 

“What does that even mean?” 

“I'm not going to bare my soul to the goddamned Robin!” Dick hissed. 

Tim took a step back. Great, now he went and fucked it up even more. “I didn't think it mattered,” Tim said. 

“Not to me. I am always me, if I wear the mask or not. You and B- Batman. You are different.” 

Robin crossed his arms over his chest, which made his cape fall around him like dark wings. It was another layer of protection. Bulletproof. Their little Babybird. They took a kid and made him into an efficient killing machine, it didn't matter that Tim hadn't killed anyone yet. The knowledge on how to do it was there. In at least one hundred different ways. Depending on the situation. 

“I'm still me, under all this,” Robin said. 

“Yes, but to get to you through all this? That's a big fucking challenge,” Dick sighed. 

Tim nodded. The efficiency was scary, the control even more so, Dick thought. Tim was turning into Bruce. Dick didn't think he could stand it.  
Maybe Jason had been on to something there. Maybe they needed to rescue Robin from himself. 

“It was probably easier with Jason, what with the shorts and all,” Tim snapped and Dick wanted to kiss him, because finally: real feelings. 

He stepped into Tim's personal space, but Tim didn't give an inch and Dick didn't think that he would.  
“It was easier to get him off on rooftops, hard and fast,” he whispered as he leaned in. 

Tim exhaled slowly. “Are you trying to provoke me?” 

“No,” Dick said, kissing his neck, lightning fast, just below the ear where there wasn't any protection. “I'm trying to turn you on.” He wanted to add to this, elaborate on it, really, but then Oracle was in his ear and another crisis wanted their attention. “Time to save the world,” Dick said. 

Robin nodded. 

~+~  
“But,” Dick said, “You defended him before. You told Bruce he was one of us!” 

“I know. I still think that it would be no use to get the police involved here. I still think…he is our responsibility, but-” 

“But you think he’s crazy and dangerous and should be put down.” 

“He kidnapped me!” Tim said. 

Dick ran a hand through his hair. Fuck. Why was it that they always had these kinds of conversations on freaking rooftops, somewhere in the middle of nowhere and it was probably close to midnight too. Dick had read the report Tim had submitted of the kidnapping. It was all facts. It was very Robin of Tim.  
Tim was more shaken by all this, than he had let on, which Dick had known. That was the way they functioned, but maybe there was something rotting inside Tim now. Something that could fuck him up really badly. 

“You want to talk about it?” Dick asked. 

Tim smiled. “I wrote a report.” 

“There was nothing in it about what Jason said to you. And I know he said things. He’s Jason.” 

Tim shrugged. “It was a lot of crazy person talk.” 

“No, it wasn't, because Jason isn’t crazy and you know it.” 

“He killed the Joker, Nightwing. He couldn’t stop firing at the corpse, for god’s sake. I don’t call that sane behavior.” 

“I-” he stopped because there was an alarm going off somewhere. “We need to stop meeting like this!” 

“After you,” Robin said. 

Dick jumped. 

 

**~Four~**

It was pretty clear, Dick thought, that Tim wasn’t going to talk about any of his feelings regarding the kidnapping, except when Dick made him.  
So Dick had to get his information from somewhere else. And the only other two sources were Jason, who was only god knew where, and Miles. 

“We need to talk,” Dick said. 

Miles startled. “Shit.” 

“Language,” Dick replied. 

Miles glared at him. Dick really couldn’t blame him. Dick had ambushed the boy on his way home from soccer practice and it was also already dark.  
And Dick was in his Nightwing suit. Then there was the fact that Miles had had enough of the vigilante business to last a lifetime.  
Dick couldn’t help it. He needed intel. Miles had it. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Miles asked as he fallowed Dick into a dark alley. 

“Robin.” 

“Tim,” Miles replied, nodding. “Hasn’t spoken to me since Jason let me go and by the way, I don’t think the police bought my story.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Dick. “Did you find him?” 

“Jason?” 

“Yes.” 

“No,” Dick replied. “We didn’t. And that is not why I’m here, it’s about Robin.”

“Tim,” Miles said again. “What do you want exactly? I told you, he is avoiding me.” 

“He probably thinks you need time-” 

Miles laughed. “He’s shit at being a friend.” 

Dick gave him a sharp look. “He risked his life for you.” 

Miles shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. He lied to me.” 

“We all do. It’s to protect the people we care about. People who know are targets, they get hurt.” 

“Well, I didn’t know and still got kidnapped!” Miles hissed. 

Dick didn’t have time for this. “Miles. You need to kiss and make up with him and I need to know what happened in the warehouse.” 

“Don’t you guys have to answer to the Batman? Write reports and shit?” 

“Well, Miles. Robin is good at leaving shit out and make it still the truth.” 

Miles nodded. “I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what happened to him-”

“But you were with Jason. I know Jason. He talks. He told you things. I need to know,” Dick interrupted. 

Miles sighed. “Dude is pretty crazy, you know? I liked him before the whole kidnapping thing,” Miles bit his lip. “And if everything he told me is true, I get why he did what he did…but still. He is messed up in the head.” 

“I know. What did you talk about?” 

“He laid all his plans out and he said some disturbing shit about Tim-”

“What?” 

Miles glared. “I said to him, he would care about Tim in his own twisted way and he shrugged and said and I quote: I don’t know Miles, is wanting to fuck his pretty mouth the same as caring? I mean who says such things? I mean for god’s sake. Tim’s only sixteen!” 

“Shit,” Dick said under his breath. 

“Yeah, well and then he made Tim drink something with a sedative and me too and that is all I can tell you, but if you ask me? He probably didn’t stop saying such things to Tim’s face. He seems the type.” 

“Yeah,” Dick said. “Thanks, Miles.” 

“Whatever, tell Robin to call me,” Miles replied. 

Dick smiled. “Will do.” 

~+~  
Things were just a little bit worse than Dick had expected. Miles was probably right: Jason had said these things, or variations of them to Tim. And Jason had smelled the hero-worship and love for Dick like a shark blood and he had used it against Tim.  
Maybe to hurt Tim, maybe for something else. Dick didn’t know. He needed to talk to Jason. He needed to talk to Tim.  
But Tim wasn’t ready to talk about it yet and Dick didn’t know if it would be wise to push.  
He had to find Jason. 

~+~  
There were places Jason always wanted to go. Dick knew a few of them and he made it his mission, between hunting scum, to check them all. 

There was a rumor around that there was a rogue vigilante in Chicago. Chicago wasn’t one of the places on the imaginary list, but Dick thought it was worth checking out.  
Batman and Robin had other problems right now and Dick was secretly glad for it. Tim needed to be occupied so he wouldn’t search for Jason. Not that Dick had any illusions about that. Tim was probably searching anyway, even if he was too exhausted to keep his eyes open at the end of a night, because of the Two Face thing.  
Like with the Joker, it was always personal with Two Face for Bruce. 

Dick usually didn’t give a damn about rumors. But something about the higher arrest rate of rapists and the hushed whispers about a guy looking out for the girls of the night, without taking anything in return. Well, Dick knew Jason.  
Of course it could be someone else. Or more than one person. No one could describe the man’s face and there was no costume involved.  
But Lola had said Chicago was safer now for girls like her and Dick had to check it out. Lola had always been a good informant. 

~+~  
Dick didn't think he miscalculated. He was falling, he grabbed onto the nearest ledge and the impact was so hard against the building, that the air was pressed out of his lunges. He swore.  
Someone had cut his line. Different town. Different rules. 

“Well, Bigbird. Look at you,” Jason said from above. Dick looked up. “People here are possessive of their architecture, and you had to flaunt your body,” he shook his head and lit a smoke. 

“A hand?” Dick asked. 

“Sure,” Jason replied easily, leaned down over the edge and grabbed Dick by the wrist to pull him up. It seemed like no trouble at all for Jason. He was so much bigger and broader. Dick had to look up a bit to look him in the eyes. 

“Jason,” Dick said and Jason let go of his wrist and took a step back. He took a drag of his smoke and looked Dick over. “No hello kiss?” Dick joked. 

Jason gave him a look. “I hardly think that it’s sex you’re here for, not that I would mind to be your booty call, Bigbird.” 

“Why do you think I’m here?” 

Jason shrugged. “Don’t know. Punching me in the face for drugging you? Dragging me back to Gotham so justice can be served-”

“I would never,” Dick interrupted and then punched him in the face. He had it coming. And Dick didn’t pull that punch either. He was still mad at Jason for drugging him, or more precisely drugging him that way. 

“Fuck, Christ,” Jason said and then something in French Dick didn’t quite catch. 

“You deserved it and you know it,” Dick replied. 

Jason glared at him as he whipped away the blood from the corner of his mouth. And then he was on Dick and they were going down and hard. Dick wasn’t sure for a second if Jason meant him any harm or if this was something else.  
He found himself fighting back, but then Jason leaned down and kissed him and Dick didn’t have the presence of mind to bite him for it or tell him to fuck off, because Jason felt so good pressed against him. 

“Let me make it up to you,” Jason said and then he kissed Dick again, grinding down.

Dick bit back a moan. He knew he probably shouldn’t, but Jason wanted him to stay and that was better than Jason pointing a gun at his head.  
“Not here,” Dick replied. 

Jason laughed against his ear softly. “But I know you love being watched, Bigbird.” Dick kissed him to shut him up and then shoved at Jason until he got up, offering a hand to Dick. 

“Not here,” he repeated and took it. 

~+~  
They ended up at a small motel. Just a little bit shady, but clean, Jason said and Dick didn’t ask how he knew that.  
It wasn’t important, he thought firmly. He had no claim – he tried to make it his mantra for the evening, but it just wasn’t working.  
As soon as the door was closed he was on Jason and he didn’t know where it was coming from; this aggression, he had always been gentle, tried to, with all his lovers.  
Jason had been the reckless one. 

Jason laughed into his mouth and breathed him in and Dick wanted to taste that laugh on his own tongue. He had missed Jason’s laughter. He had missed Jason so fucking much. 

Dick was tearing at Jason’s jacket and then his shirt, and there wasn’t much in form of protection under the clothes. Dick swore he would hook Jason up, if Jason wanted to be a vigilante again. And how could he not? It had been installed in him at a very young age. Jason was one of them. Like Tim. Not the fucking time, Dick thought and shoved Jason onto the bed, grabbed for his zipper.  
They were naked in a matter of what felt like seconds to Dick. Dick had waited for this. Dick had yearned for this since Jason had first kissed him and slammed home that way, that yes, Dick was in fucking love with Bruce’s new Robin. Jason had been the brave one. 

“Hey,” Jason said and there was this tender note in his voice again, like that day he killed the Clown.  
Dick suppressed a shiver. It was mostly arousal. Dick had to kiss him then. Had to and he did while Jason rubbed his cock against Dick’s stomach.  
“Like teenagers,” Jason panted and he was laughing again. 

“Do you mind?” Dick asked, sitting up in Jason’s lap and taking both their cocks in his hand. 

“No,” Jason answered. “In fact I had a fantasy similar to this, you were riding me. And then I was riding you – I was younger then.” The last word was only a moan, really, because Dick was stroking and using every trick he’s ever learned to make Jason feel good. He wanted that. He wanted to feel Jason deep inside him again, but what he wanted more now was to see Jason come. To watch his face. To taste his moans afterwards. 

“We can do that, later,” Dick replied and Jason dragged him down into another filthy kiss. 

~+~  
There was a reason Dick came here. There was a reason he had looked for Jason and that reason hadn’t had anything to do with sex. Dick was pretty sure of it, but with Jason on his knees and his mouth stretched around Dick’s cock, it was a bit hard to recall that reason.  
Wasn’t it reason enough to be with Jason?  
He banged his head on the wall and stroked a finger tenderly over Jason’s cheek.  
Jason hummed and then sucked harder and Dick's hand found its way into Jason's hair to have something to hold on to. 

~+~  
Dick was drinking Jason in. He couldn't stop looking, watching, cataloging. 

Jason took another deep drag of his smoke and smiled at Dick. It was a tiny, secret, wry smile. He was naked, one hand cradling the back of his head as he looked at Dick in return. “I know why you're here, Bigbird.” 

“Yeah?” Dick asked. “Because I don’t have the slightest idea what I am doing.” 

“Didn't look it to me. You were doing just fine, Bigbird,” Jason said with a leer. 

Dick threw a cushion at him. Jason caught it easily. He was so alive, Dick thought. Nothing reminded him of the shell of a boy Tim had found all those months ago. He seemed less angry too, Dick thought. Dick wanted to make _love_ to him and he said it too.  
Jason laughed, but it didn't sound cruel. He put the butt of his cigarette out in his nearly empty bottle of water and spread his arms wide. “Be my guest,” he said. 

Dick knew they had to talk, but he pushed it out of his mind. Pushed everything away and everyone. Gotham, the mission, Bruce. Tim.  
There was a real possibility that he wouldn't be able to be as gentle, as caring as he wanted to be once he heard what Jason had said and done to Tim the night he killed the Clown.  
He let it go as he pushed back from the wall and made his way to where Jason was sitting on the edge of the bed.  
Secretly, Dick had always wanted to be Jason's first, but he was aware that that chance had gone by without him even really taking notice. 

“If I had known, I would have dragged you with me,” Jason said and there it was again: that voice. That sincere, gentle, loving, fucking loving timbre. It made Dick come undone.

“Where?” 

“Wherever, Dick. Where the fuck ever. After I came back from the dead, I was a virgin again,” he grinned up at Dick. “You were my first then. That night in Tim's bed-” 

Dick kissed him because he didn't want to think about Tim right now. He knew he would have to think about Tim soon enough.  
There were so many questions Dick wanted to ask, but he wasn't sure he could stomach all the answers.  
So he made love to Jason instead. 

 

**~Five~**

“We need to talk,” Dick said, crossing his arms over his chest. It was another night, it was another rooftop. Robin was perched on the edge of the ledge and wasn't looking at him.  
Dick could play this game too and he had played it longer and with Bruce for fuck's sake. 

Robin sighed. “You found him then?” 

“Yes,” Dick answered. There was no need to pretend. 

“And he told you everything.” 

“Yes,” Dick replied. He ran a hand through his hair. A more or less nervous habit and of course Robin chose that moment to turn around. 

“What is there to talk about then? He filled in all your blanks.” It was a sneer. Well, for Robin. 

Dick hated this. He hated doing it like this. On a windy rooftop and with the masks on. He couldn't see Tim's eyes. Their hearts were protected by freaking Kevlar. 

“He told me what happened, he couldn't tell me what you felt,” Dick said gently. 

“What I felt,” Tim echoed. 

“Yes,” Dick said. 

“What do you think?” Tim hissed. “I was kidnapped and tortured by the person you love!” 

“I-” 

Tim cut him off with a sharp gesture of his hand. “I don't want to hear it. He told me he wanted to fuck my mouth, did he tell you that?” 

Dick nodded. “Yes.” 

“He asked about you, just before he started to cut me open. He did it to mess with me. He knows, he knows-” Tim cut himself off and took a shallow breath. He wasn't shaking, but it probably took effort to project that kind of control. Bruce would be so fucking proud, Dick thought, bitterly. “He knows, I worshiped the ground he was walking on too,” Tim finished calmly. And then he looked Dick in the eyes. He even let the lenses down. “And you let him fuck you.” 

Dick closed his eyes briefly. “He is better now.” 

“What does that even mean?” Tim wanted to know. “What does that have to do with anything at all? What does that have to do with you and me?” His voice sounded smaller at the end of the sentence, like he wasn't sure anymore if there was something there, or if fighting for it wasn't a lost battle and always had been. 

“I'm in love with Jason,” Dick said helplessly. 

“I know that! I’ve always known that!” Tim looked over the city. “But he had been dead and I thought with time-” he cut himself off again. “But he's back now. And you are still in love with him. And his love for you is bordering on creepy obsessive. Not that I can throw the first stone here.”

“Tim-” 

“I don't want you to say it,” Tim hissed. 

“It doesn't make it less true.” 

“And how will this work in your head?” Tim asked. He sounded really curious now. “Because the fact still stands that your lover tortured me and used me as bait for a mad-man who had killed him. Who had had a taste for birds.” 

And suddenly Dick got it. Tim had never really believed in his own death, but when Jason had left him for the Joker to find, bleeding, drugged and helpless, he had feared for his life, maybe for the first time since he became Robin. Tim was too aware of his mortality now and it was fucking with his mind. And he wanted revenge for that. 

When Jason had first come back, Dick had been overjoyed and then when he had disappeared Dick had been worried sick. But he had also made plans in his head, plans to make them a family. Plans to make this work between them. Between him and Tim and Jason and Tim and the three of them. He was aware he needed both of them. Dick couldn't imagine a life without Tim in it, and he couldn't imagine losing Jason again. That just wasn't an option.  
But Jason had gone and fucked up all of Dick's plans by kidnapping Tim, by torturing Tim, by putting Tim's friend in danger. 

“You want revenge for what he did to you,” Dick said.  
Tim didn't look at him and he didn't answer, but he didn't need to. Dick knew it. He knew it deep down in his bones. 

“I try,” Tim said in a small voice. “I try to forgive him. I try to forgive him every day, but then you go to him and you let him touch you. You let him do all the things – you do all the things to him that you never do to me-”

“You're not-” 

“You don't know if I'm there now, do you? Because all you're concerned with is Jason!” Tim took a deep breath. The night air was getting damp and colder by the second. “I don't think,” Tim said matter of fact, “That he loved you first. But it's not about who you loved longer, it's about who you care about more.” 

Shit, Dick thought. Shit. That wasn't it at all. Dick could not decide. They were both such a big part of his life. There was no way to tell about whom he cared more. There was no way.  
He needed to make Tim understand this. Tim needed to know that Jason wasn't more important than him. He grabbed for Tim as Tim looked over the city again. He used every trick in his book to get to Tim before Tim could get his bearings, before he could jump, slip away, punch Dick. Tim was struggling in Dick's hold. He was kicking and biting his lip, so he wouldn't scream. 

“I don't care about him more. I don't love him more, Tim,” Dick whispered into his ear. 

Tim went utterly still and silent. For a second Dick was afraid Tim had forgotten how to breathe. 

“You won't decide. You refuse to decide,” he said quietly and then he looked up and kicked at Dick with all he had. “Fuck you!” 

It hurt. It fucking hurt and Dick was too surprised from it all to defend himself when Tim tore free and then came at him with all that he had learned. Not only from Bruce and Dick, but all the other people Tim liked to learn from. Dick was bigger and stronger, but Tim played dirty. He was so fast and agile. He had Dick face-down and was sitting on his back. Hands in places Dick never wanted to feel anyone's hand in this kind of situation. Just the right pressure at the right angle and he would be left in pain for weeks. Tim was a threat.  
He and Jason had probably more in common than any of them wanted to admit. 

“I'm done with this and I'm done playing your games. Yours and Jason's. You can go and fuck him three days from Sunday. I don't care,” Tim hissed and then he dug his thumb in and Dick bit his lip because he didn't want to scream the neighborhood down. “Leave me alone,” Tim said and got up. 

Dick stayed on the rooftop. Just breathing. Just breathing the pain away.  
Well, that went well, he thought bitterly as he put his cheek to the cold asphalt. The pain was ebbing away. He would be alright. It had just been a little demonstration. Tim wasn't a kid. Tim was Robin.  
Jason had been right: other rules applied to him. To them. Always had.  
Dick just hadn't wanted to see it.  
There was no denying it now. 

Dick took another breath and then made himself get up. It wouldn't do him any good if Cass would find him like this, or god forbid: Bruce.  
This demonstration showed Dick something else too. Tim did care. Tim was hurt by what Dick was doing with Jason.  
If Dick was going to leave Tim alone, Tim's unhappiness would eat at him and it would fester and some day it would give birth to something really ugly. 

Dick didn't know what the right thing to do was, but he knew that leaving Tim alone with his rage and fear wasn't the way to handle things.  
Somehow he had to make this work. 

 

**~Six~**

“You’re kidding right?” Jason asked. He was smoking again. Before Jason had died, Dick had always hated the taste of ash, but now he enjoyed watching Jason’s lungs work. 

“He’s messed up by it.” 

“Yeah, well. I did kidnap his friend and made him drug himself and tortured him too, before I left him for the Joker to find. You would expect that,” he exhaled another cloud of smoke. 

Dick looked at him long and hard. “You don’t hate him, do you?” 

Jason shrugged. “Sometimes I do, Dick. Actually every time you put on clothes and go back there.” 

“Gotham?” 

“The Cave,” Jason answered. 

“Alfred wants you to come for dinner,” Dick said, because it just came to mind. 

Jason laughed. “I bet B. wouldn’t be too thrilled.” 

“He loves you, Jason. He always has,” Dick replied. 

“He wanted to make me into you,” Jason said. 

“He- maybe. I don’t know. He wanted to save you, like he saved me.”

“But he didn’t save me. And sometimes I wonder if he saved you at all Dick,” Jason mused. “And now he took on this scrawny kid.” 

“Tim came to us. He wanted it. And after your death he wasn’t the same. He was mean and reckless and on the verge of snapping.”

“So, you’re saying that Tim saved B?”

“Yes, in a way he did,” Dick replied. “He is a good kid, he- you need to talk to him. Somehow make it right.” 

“Dick,” Jason said, putting his smoke out and taking Dick’s head in both his hands. It was a strangely gentle and firm gesture. “He is in love with you and you’re fucking me. How can I make this right?” 

“So, you’re saying it's my fault?” 

Jason shrugged. “You can blame the universe for bringing me back.” 

“I couldn’t regret that for a second,” Dick replied and leaned in to kiss Jason. 

Jason pulled away. “I don’t care being your – whatever I am right now. Whatever we are. I enjoy sex. I like sex with you, but I think you need to make some kind of decision.” 

“I never stopped loving you,” Dick said. 

“Yes, but when I was dead you started to fall in love with Drake,” Jason replied. “Is that a thing for you?” 

“Come again?” 

“The Robin outfit?” 

“Don’t make it into something that it isn’t!” Dick said sharply. 

“Can’t fault me for seeing a pattern. I bet you wouldn’t have even noticed him if he weren’t Robin.” 

Dick wasn’t sure Jason wasn’t right about it. He had a type and dangerous was on that list. But the people he loved, the people he was in love with, had been in love with, they were all different. He hadn’t been looking for a replacement. Jason was most likely trying to provoke him. 

“Just go and talk to him,” he said. 

“He will throw a shuriken at my heart, Dick,” Jason replied. 

“He won’t kill you.” 

“Why not?” 

“He’s Robin and besides: it would make Nightwing sad,” Dick said. 

“Fuck,” Jason said and then, “Fine.” 

“Thank you.” 

~+~  
“Did you throw a shuriken at him?” Dick asked, crossing his arms over his chest. For once they were at the manor. The night was nearly over, but Bruce wasn’t home yet. Dick could feel the dawn creeping up on them. Tim would spend another weekend here it seemed.  
No masks. No Kevlar to protect their hearts this time.

“He ambushed me,” Tim replied as he was stripping out of his suit. It was a testimony to his aggravation with all of this that he even took half his suit upstairs instead of leaving it in the Cave. 

Dick tried not to watch Tim undress, but it was hard. There were new scars on Tim’s upper thigh and Dick wondered how it would feel to run his tongue over them.  
Not the time for that, he thought firmly. 

“Did you talk?” 

Tim threw his shirt in the hamper, his aim perfect as always and glared at Dick. His chest was small and he was so thin, muscled yes, but still slim. Tim would never look like Jason or Bruce. 

“Yes,” he answered eventually. 

“But you wanted to beat the shit out of him.” 

“Yes, and he knew that. It amused him,” Tim replied. “The messed up thing is that I loved him, like I loved you, before he pulled all this crap on me.” 

“Because he was Robin?” 

“Yes,” Tim said, “Because he was Robin. But he isn’t anymore and I get that we have to leave this suit behind and evolve, but-” 

“He scares you,” Dick realized. 

“He doesn’t scare me!” Tim said, but it was too fast and too sharp, and Dick didn’t believe him. 

“Tim-”

“He didn’t apologize for what he did,” Tim cut in. 

Somehow, Dick didn’t think Jason would. Jason had thought this was acceptable collateral damage. Tim was Robin after all. “You know what he said before he drove me home that night?” 

“No,” Dick answered. 

“He said he owes me one. And he repeated that again when we had our talk. That he owes me one. And I keep wondering if he would give you up if I told him too.” 

“Tim-”

“But that would make you sad,” Tim cut in again. “There is no way this is going to end in fluffy fuzzy feelings. Not anymore. That ship has sailed,” he looked outside the window. It was getting light outside. Soon the sun would bathe the room in warmth. “And I can’t help but wonder, if he would have decided differently, if he had known that there was a chance of us, the three of us, being more.” 

“Probably not,” Dick said. Jason had needed to kill the Joker. He had needed that so he could move on. He was happy in Chicago. He was starting a new life there. Dick wanted that for him. 

Tim nodded. “I don’t know what you want, Dick,” Tim admitted after a long silence. 

“You. Both of you.” 

“Isn’t that selfish?” 

“Absolutely,” Dick replied. It was, but he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t decide and he couldn’t stop loving either of them. And he also couldn’t stop believing that he could make it work. That they could make it work. There was some messed up attraction on Jason’s part towards Tim. Jason had told him about the hooker in Russia. How he had thought about Tim when he fucked the boy's mouth. The words had made Dick shudder, but the image they concurred made him aroused.  
Tim had admitted to loving Jason too. He had-

“It means, that I can be selfish too, right?” Tim asked into Dick’s musings. 

“Yes,” he said without thinking about it or hesitating. 

Tim nodded again. Once, sharply. And then he stripped off his remaining clothes, which wasn’t much to begin with.  
Dick’s breath caught. He knew what Tim wanted and Dick was…not against it, never that, but. But, shouldn’t it be more than this? Better? 

“Dick,” Tim said and the tone was absolutely flat. Dick nearly flinched. 

“Not like this,” Dick said. 

Tim gave him a look. Dick noticed that he wasn’t even hard yet. This made no sense to Dick. No sense at all. “Against a wall then maybe? In a dark nightclub? We can pretend,” Tim replied. 

Dick took a step back. He couldn’t help it. Suddenly he didn’t want to be here. This side of Tim scared him, because it was as efficient as his Robin side. 

He wanted the other one. The one he saw that night Jason vanished. He wanted that Tim. He wanted to know what Tim had been thinking about while he was touching himself. He wanted to watch Tim do it. He wanted to kiss Tim like Tim deserved to be kissed. 

“You’re not Jason,” Dick said. 

“I know tha-”

“You probably wouldn’t like to have sex the way Jason has sex,” Dick interrupted. 

Tim bit his lip and then he started to gather his dirty clothes to put them in the hamper. “I’m going to take a shower,” he said. 

Dick watched him disappear in the bathroom. And that was the end of it, he thought. Tim would probably never offer himself like this again to Dick.  
There was no way Tim had taken this as anything else than another rejection.  
Dick stood there for another two minutes or so, and then he followed Tim into the bathroom. 

~+~  
He stripped on the short way to the bathroom. Inside it was warm and damp and Tim was humming something just loud enough to be heard over the spray.  
Tim probably knew that Dick was there, but he didn’t turn around. Dick locked the door.  
He could see Tim perfectly through the glass. The lean muscles as he shifted and the water as it ran down his body, an angle here, a soft curve there.  
He ran a finger down the glass, following the outline of Tim’s spine and then pressed his body against the cool surface. Tim turned around then. 

“I want to watch you,” Dick said. 

Tim’s skin flushed, but it wasn’t anger, it was arousal. He licked his lips and Dick watched and wondered if Tim would tell him to get out. He didn’t think so, but Tim was unpredictable sometimes – like Bruce. 

“I thought you liked to be looked at,” Tim said. 

“Yes,” Dick replied, because it was true and they both knew it. “But since the night I saw you masturbate, I wanted to watch you again. With permission.” 

Tim’s breath hitched and then he pressed one of his hands to the glass over the place where Dick’s cock was.  
Dick would make this special for Tim. He would make this special for both of them. Tim deserved it. Tim deserved probably better than Dick, but – you couldn't will yourself not to love. Tim stepped away from the glass and leaned against the tiles instead. He closed his eyes. It didn't matter. Dick knew Tim was aware of Dick's gaze on his body. 

At first Tim didn't do anything, Dick waited patiently. It was enough really, watching Tim's lean body. Gloriously naked and wet. On display like that. For Dick to enjoy. 

And then Tim's hands started to move. He didn't show off. This was Tim at his most private and he let Dick see him. Watch him pleasure himself. Dick didn't dare ask any questions, even if they were burning inside him. He wanted to know what Tim was imagining, whose hands he was imaging, whose lips, tongue.

Tim bit his lip as he played with a nipple gently, rolled it between his fingers as his other hand was running down the inside of his leg. The pattern, Dick thought, the pattern was familiar. It clicked then for Dick. It was the way Jason did it. Tim had of course memorized it. Perfectly too.  
It hit Dick deep in his gut, a stab of arousal mixed with jealousy. Tim was thinking about that night Jason had touched him. Tim was thinking about Jason and Dick wasn't sure how he felt about it.  
He put it out of his head for now, and watched Tim grab his own cock and start to stroke in a way that was familiar too. 

It shouldn't have been a shock to realize that Tim was stroking his cock the same way Dick was when he was masturbating. After all Tim could hack into anything. He had seen Dick get off with strangers probably more often than Dick was comfortable with.  
Tim bit his lip when he came, not making a sound and then his eyes snapped open and he looked at Dick. 

“Wanna know a secret, Dick?” Tim asked, putting his hand to the glass. Dick nodded, mirroring the gesture.  
“Jason had been the first boy who ever kissed me.” He smiled at Dick. “I guess it's appropriate that my first real kiss tasted like blood.” 

Jason had left out that part, but then Jason probably didn't know that Tim had never been kissed for real. 

“Tim-” Dick began, but was cut off by Tim as he slid the shower door open and curled his fingers around Dick's aching cock. It was exactly the way Dick liked it when he was ready to come and as he finally did, he kissed Tim with all he had. Tim grabbed his arm, his short nails digging into Dick's flesh as he kissed back. 

 

**~Seven~**

“So you finally did it,” Jason said as he opened the door. 

Dick really wondered sometimes about his ability to keep secrets. Lately, it seemed like everything he was feeling and doing, thinking, was written on his face. No secrets left. He wasn't sure if it was a problem. 

“You were his first kiss,” Dick said as he entered the hotel room. 

“I didn't know,” Jason replied. He stepped to the window and lit a cigarette. 

“He said it tasted like blood.” 

“He bit me,” Jason replied exhaling slowly. 

“Why didn't you tell me about the kiss when you gave me the blow by blow?”

Jason shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe it wasn't important to me.” 

“Bullshit. You know it was important to me.” 

“Did he tell you when I kissed him?” 

“No,” Dick answered and wasn't sure anymore if he wanted to know. 

“Right before I started to make him bleed,” Jason said. 

“Shit.” 

“Yes,” Jason nodded. “Shit. He hates me and he has every right to hate me.” 

“He's afraid of you.” 

“He has the right to that too,” Jason replied. “I am a scary motherfucker.” 

“Jason-” 

“The Joker wasn't the first person I killed,” Jason cut in. 

Dick had suspected that much. But he hadn't asked. He didn't want to know for sure. “You don't have to tell me.”

“I think I do, Bigbird,” Jason replied, putting the butt out. “I learned the fine art of knife fighting from him.” 

“You killed your teacher?” 

“Yes, I did. He was a scumbag. And he deserved to die. I didn't plan it – not really. I killed him when I felt like he had nothing more to give me. He had outlived-” 

“His purpose?” 

Jason shrugged. “Yes, that too. He had been living on borrowed time anyway.” 

“Why did you kill him?” 

“He had a boy with him. We were living in some hut miles away from anything that could be called civilization. I bet it wasn't the first boy and also he wouldn't have been the last. His name is Mischa and he isn't much older than Drake,” Jason said and lit another cigarette. 

Dick had a really bad feeling about this story. “He abused this boy?” 

“He raped him pretty much every night, Dick. And he let me see it. To establish his claim or whatever.” 

“You liked Mischa.” 

“He has green eyes that remind me of living things,” Jason said. 

“What about the police?” 

“In Belarus?” Jason snorted and shook his head. “Are you kidding? It’s worse than Gotham out there. Besides there are people who don't deserve a second chance at life, Dick. Someone who rapes kids every night doesn't deserve to live.” 

“Jason-” 

“He let me watch. He wanted me to see what he was doing, Dick. He didn't think or care that it was wrong.” He exhaled smoke and Dick waited, because he knew that Jason wasn't finished yet. “I gutted him...and I told Mischa not to turn out like him.” He looked at Dick. “Don't worry, I won't go on a nice killing spree. With Mischa it had been personal. Here I just beat them up and leave them for the police.” 

“How can you be so-”

“It’s because I died and came back, and I learned things from people who weren't Bruce, Dick. I know you love him. I love him, I hate him too, but I do love him. I couldn't be as angry as I am, if I didn't love him, Dick. But he isn't God. He is just a guy in a mask.”

“I've always known that,” Dick said. 

“I sometimes wondered, you know, if he knows that too. Because he’s more himself when he is wearing the cowl.”

“What you're saying is that he is fucked up and that he messed us up too?” 

“Possibly, yeah, but what I mean is that he tried to make his morals ours and that just doesn't work. We have to find our own morals, our own lines to cross or not to cross.” 

“And you don't draw your line before murder.” 

“In certain cases it's the only thing that makes the insanity stop, Dick. Isn't Gotham better off without the clown?”

“It's too early to tell,” Dick replied. “Are you coming back?” 

“To the Cave, the manor? Gotham?” 

“Pick one, pick all?” Dick said wryly. 

“No. I'm done playing by Bruce's rules. I am trying to make a life here,” Jason said. “I'm not saying I won't help if you really need me. And I sure as hell will come when Drake calls-”

“Because you owe him one,” Dick interrupted. 

“Yes, I do,” Jason took out another cigarette. “I know I fucked up with him.” 

“Yeah...he was in love with you.” 

“He was in love with Robin,” Jason corrected. 

Dick didn't think so. Yes, Tim had a thing for Robin, but if it were only the name and uniform then the crush would've gone away as soon as Batman started to train him. “He was in love with you. And me. And-”

“I know what you want, Dick. And it's not going to happen. Not in the near future, but I am okay to share.” 

“Share?” 

“Yes, custody,” Jason said, and grinned around his cigarette. “You spend time with him, you come back here and we fuck like bunnies and have deep and meaningful conversations about life and how Bruce fucked us up.” 

Dick laughed. It sounded so fucking easy when Jason said it. And Dick wanted them both. God he wished it wasn't so, but he needed them both. “We can try to mend this.” 

“I know you want that, Dick. I know. But I fucked up with Drake and he will need time to get over it and not want to kill me every time he sees my face. And with Bruce...” 

“He wants to see you. He wants to talk. He misses you Jaybird. He loves you too.” 

“I'm not sure he does anymore, Dick,” Jason said. “I'm not the boy he wanted to see me as. I am not the boy he wanted me to be either.” 

“You're not a boy anymore. Period,” Dick said. 

Jason smiled. “Guess I'm not.”

“Jason-” 

“Ask me again next time?” 

Dick nodded. 

~+~  
“You found him,” Batman said, but it was Bruce’s voice. 

Lonely rooftop at the harbor. Drug deal going down soon, hopefully. 

“I can handle this alone,” Dick said, but he was in full Nightwing mood. 

“I know you can, Nightwing,” Batman replied, but it was still the Bruce voice. It was hard to keep things professional when Bruce was being…human. 

Dick ran a hand through his hair. “This is not the time, nor the place to have this discussion, Batman.” 

Bruce nodded, as he crouched down beside him on the ledge. “Come home then after patrol?” 

Dick knew that it would probably end with them shouting at each other and Dick leaving the manor in a rage and meeting up with Jason to get his brains fucked out. But hope sprang eternal and all that stuff. 

“Okay,” he said. “Home not the Cave.” 

“Fair enough,” Bruce replied and stood up. “Have fun,” he added as he disappeared into the shadows. 

Ah, Dick thought looking down. It seemed that the party was going to start without him. 

He grinned and jumped. 

~+~  
Bruce was already home when Dick got to the manor and so was Tim. 

Tim gave him a small smile on his way upstairs and Dick grabbed his arm on impulse and spun him around. “Hi,” Dick said. 

“Hi…” Tim replied. There was something in his eyes that Dick didn’t like. They sure as hell needed to talk more. For now he just pressed Tim against the wall and kissed him. Tim didn’t try to get away or punch him, and he kissed back, so maybe they were okay after all or maybe, a mocking voice said at the back of his head, he is just too much in love with you to not respond to your proximity. 

“You’re overthinking it,” Tim said as they pulled apart. 

“Probably. But we still need to talk,” Dick replied. 

“Sure. Are you staying?” 

“Guess so, see you later,” Dick said and kissed Tim again. Just a little bit dirty so he could take Tim’s soft moan with him. 

“Okay,” Tim said and Dick made himself let go of him. He didn’t watch Tim disappear upstairs; he ran a hand through his hair instead and made his way to the kitchen. 

Alfred had made a snack and coffee, but he was nowhere to be found.  
Bruce was already sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper.  
Dick poured himself a mug and grabbed a sandwich. 

“You cut patrol short?” Dick asked. 

“You didn’t,” Bruce replied. 

Dick shrugged. He had been having second thoughts about this and Bruce knew by now. 

“I’m glad you decided to come anyway,” Bruce said. 

“You wanted to talk,” Dick replied, taking a sip of his coffee, and hoped that the implication made it through loud and clear. 

Bruce nodded, putting the newspaper aside. “I did. I know you found Jason and I know you are involved with him again.” 

“He’s nineteen Bruce and he doesn’t answer to you anymore. I don’t either,” Dick said. But it was kind of a lie and they both knew it. Dick only ignored Bruce when he wasn’t in Gotham and even then it was hard. And now that he and Tim were, whatever they were, it would be harder to avoid Bruce. Maybe Dick should just stop avoiding it all and – do what? He had no idea. Confronting Bruce hardly ever worked. 

“I’m not trying to-” Bruce stopped. “I just want to see him. To talk to him.” 

“You could have found him, I mean. I did.” 

“You’ve always known him better,” Bruce said. 

That was such bullshit, Dick thought. “You could have found him,” he said again. 

“I didn’t want to spook him.” 

“You want him to come to you,” Dick realized. Of course, of freaking course. “It won’t work that way. He is happy, Bruce. He is moving on with his life. Moving on from Gotham, from Robin, from-”

“Me?” Bruce asked. 

Dick winced. “I didn’t mean that, but yeah, kinda.” 

“It’s the natural order of things.”

“Well, fuck, I sure as hell never managed to-”

“Dick,” Bruce interrupted, “You did and I am proud of you.” 

Dick sighed and let his head hang, so his hair would hide his face. Shit, he thought, shit, Bruce could reduce him to the twelve year old he used to be in a matter of seconds. 

“He isn’t ready yet, Bruce, but I think he will come around, eventually. You need to give him time and when he finally shows up at your doorstep, a hug and some kind of welcome would be the way to go.” 

“I better let Alfred open the door then,” Bruce said. There was amusement in his voice. 

“Yeah, because you get it yourself so often,” Dick replied, looking up at him. 

“I will try to be good when he shows up, Dick. I promise.” 

“Okay,” Dick said. 

“About Tim-”

“It’s still none of your business, except when this should fuck with his performance as Robin. And we both know that he won’t let it. He’s too much like you for that to happen,” Dick said. 

“You think it’s wrong that he is-”

“There is too much Bat in him. That’s how Jason put it,” Dick said. 

“He is a rather dark Robin,” Bruce admitted. “But I don’t think he could’ve been any other way, Dick. That’s Tim. That’s how he sees himself.” 

Dick knew that, but still. He nodded and poured them both another mug of coffee. They drank it in silence. 

~+~  
Tim’s door was open when Dick passed it on his way to his old room. It was an invitation, but Dick hesitated anyway for a second before he went inside.  
Tim was in bed, but he was still awake, reading. He put his book aside and looked at Dick. 

“I had fantasies that started out like this, of course I had fantasies where you broke into my room in full Nightwing suit as well,” Tim said. 

“I could do that too,” Dick replied, coming closer and sitting down on the bed. 

Tim smiled. “I guess it went okay with Bruce? There was no shouting and you’re still here.” 

“It went okay. I think Bruce will try to leave the Batman in the Cave once Jason shows up at the doorstep. How are you feeling about it?” 

“Still angry,” Tim admitted, fisting his hand in the covers. “I was thinking about it a lot. I know why he did what he did. And I see how this plan was the only one that suited his purpose I just wished he-”

“Would’ve let you out of it?” Dick asked gently. 

“Yes. I try to come up with something else to get the same result, but I am drawing a blank and I’m not sure if it’s because my mind shies away from it because I had been bait in this scenario, or if it just shies away from the thought of killing someone. Even if it is the Joker.” 

“Tim-”

“There were patterns to the Joker’s madness. We all had seen them, but never exploited them. Why is that I wonder?” 

“Because it would’ve been too easy to use them against him?” 

“What if he wanted that? He didn’t beg for his life. He just-” Tim looked at him. “Smiled when Jason told him he was an orphan and swung that crowbar.”

“You think he wanted to die?” 

“I think he wanted Batman to kill him for years, Dick.”

Dick nodded, that thought had crossed his mind too. “I think you are right.” 

Tim made room for him under the covers. Dick took it as the invitation it was. Also as the need for comfort it was. He stripped to his boxers and crawled into bed with Tim.  
Tim switched off the lights and Dick spooned him, feeling Tim relax.  
They still needed to talk about Jason, and the shared custody thing, but it didn’t have to be now.


End file.
